my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
