i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
