I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize