That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize