Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
