theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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