I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
