Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
