Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
