How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
