I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
