the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So much Jack, so little girl.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
