i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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