I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
