I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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