Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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