I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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