we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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