I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
