yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
