I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
