He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
