im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
