you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
A bitchslap is in order.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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