You work out of a Hotel?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
