I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
