Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize