Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
