oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
