Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
