Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
