once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
