Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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