Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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