As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
