Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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