So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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