i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
