C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
