dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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