by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
