Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
