i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was confusing and full of hummus
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
