those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
