ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
