I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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