I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
