im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
