Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You pole danced in your parka.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
