i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
