i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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