3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
"it" just moved
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
