i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
