***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
