i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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