I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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