can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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