Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
