I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
