i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
