babies were throwing up all over the place
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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