and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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