I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
