I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
