I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We were destined to go to rehab together
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
