she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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