It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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