Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
