Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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