So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think i have two assholes
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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