Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
