He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
