I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
