I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
