ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
