you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
