i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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