This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize